Full Circle

Okay so I am not sure my life actually has come full circle today but it has come pretty close at least in respect to my careet at JCP. Today was just one of those crazy days where I am not sure why but I woke up with a weird feeling - note to myself for the future when I have those feelings just role over and go back to bed. Anyways on with the story. During my 1st meeting of the day I overheard bits and piece of a conversation between my boss and my big boss which just made my head start to spin, not in a bad way just kind of in a crazy I am not sure what I think type of way. Needless to say I overheard them talking about how they were promoting Sandra, my associate buyer. Congrats Sandra! But this meant a lot of added stress and work to my plate since I am the only other person who works closely with Sandra on woven tops. I am actually really excited about the opportunity and exposure but I am also very overwhelmed by it all too. Okay so I know you are wondering how my life has actually come full circle. Well the person that they have moved into Sandra's old position, is none other than my old boss Emily. Who I worked for when I first started at JCP. While Emily will not be my boss that is Lesa, I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around working with Emily but not working for Emily. I liked Emily well enough when she was my boss and so I am sure working with her will be great, but it is just going to take some time to adjust to all of this. Not to mention I think it is slightly weird that I am now working with someone as teammates who used to be my boss. Needless to say I am really going to miss Sandra and am a little scared about all the changes because oh yea they also promoted one of my team's allocators, so our old allocator is coming back to our team. It is just weird all the changes that are taking place within my team, but I guess that is what happens when you work on a top performing team. I am honestly not sure how these next few months are going to play out but they promise to be intersting to say the least. I just hope my head stops spinning from all of this soon, so that I can begin to process all the change that took place in less than an hour today.

Market Street

Okay so I thought I would share something that is good about living in the suburbs for the time being. They have Market Street – so I realize most of you probably don’t have a clue what Market Street is but it is a great grocery store that is like Central Market but with Tom Thumb/Kroger pricing. Not to mention everyone who works there is extremely friendly and willing to help – they actually insist that they push your groceries to your car even if you only have a couple of bags. It is really clean and easy to find things in the store which just makes me so happy. What makes it even better is that it is only a couple blocks away from my dad’s house. Now if I could only do some real grocery shopping there then I could be in some real trouble or just have lots of fun depending on how you look at it – may-be the next time they go out of town and I am allowed to actually use the kitchen again I will actually go shopping and cook. But I would defiantly say that Market Street is one of my new loves for the moment and definitely a highlight of living in the suburbs.

Week Five

This past week was really tough – I think because the week before Dad and Marsha were out of town so I had the entire house to myself and was able to settle into my own routine and not have to worry about being locked out of the house (yes I was locked out of the house again!). As if having them back in town and having to adjust to Marsha and her weird quirky requirements for me and my room wasn’t enough – the past week at the office was completely nuts. Anytime I have a line review life at the office is a little crazy but to add to this line review I didn’t receive my new dollars in the system until the day before line review which basically meant that even though my paperwork was complete it had to be completely redone the day before line review which is completely crazy since the paperwork takes at least four hours to complete without tweaks and changes. To make the week a little more challenging it was my week to be on Lesa’s short list – meaning no matter what I did it was wrong and she was going to let me know about it. Needless to say by Tuesday of last week I was completely beat down and exhausted, which is never a good thing when you aren’t half way through the week. Thankfully, I am apart of an amazing team and we all look out for each other and so they helped me out in whatever way possible – even if it was just giving me Parmesan Cheese to throw (inside joke) or bring me a Diet Coke for no reason at all. If it wasn’t for them keeping me calm and reminding me that our boss is just a bear at times I probably wouldn’t have a job this week, so I am very thankful for them.

As if that wasn’t enough to make it a tough week – yes there was more. I should have been a little more prepared for this next part since last week was just under three weeks away from Brazil I know that is when Satan starts to attack and needless to say He did and I wasn’t prepared. I think on top of having dad and Marsha back in town and a tough week at the office it was just enough to distract me and keep me busy so that my time in the word wasn’t what it should have been and I let Satan get a hold of me in the area’s of life where I am most vulnerable. Needless to say last week was a week where I felt completely alone in Dallas and had to question if this is where I am suppose to be – I think a big part of this has to do with that I am so far removed from everyone just by living up North and people don’t think I will drive South and they don’t want to drive North. For the record I will drive South I am not asking anyone to drive North – I know that isn’t far – so please don’t forget about me. The final blow for me came Thursday night when I found out something about a really close friend that shattered my trust. On a positive note I have since talked with this person and have forgiven them and am taking steps to start rebuilding the broken trust.

I am hoping this next week will not be as crazy or eventful, but only time will tell.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Sarah, Maggie & Amy! Three great people all born on the same day just a couple of years apart - April 20th!

My other highlight of last week was getting to celebrate Sarah's birthday! Her real birthday is the 20th but a group of us got together to celebrate her on Saturday night at Gloria's - it was a lot of fun. Happy Birthday Sarah!

On Easter Sunday we also celebrated Maggie (my aunt's 50th birthday) a few days early since we were altogether as a family.

Maggie w/her kids (Meredith & Cliffy)

Maggie & her cupcake cake

Happy Birthday Amy! We will have to celebrate later this week!

Week Four

So week four was great! Dad, Maverick and the monster were only in town for one day, so it meant I got to have a semi normal life - meaning if I wanted to leave my soap in the shower I could :-). So since I didn't have to interact with Marsha life was pretty calm at least there wasn't any drama. I do have to admit that I missed dad and Maverick b/c the big house was really quite and at times scary at night. So yes I did sleep with a few extra lights on every night because for whatever reason I am still like a three year old and an extra light here or there makes me feel safe even when I am in a completely safe house.

Work was really busy with my fall line review coming up next week and being only three weeks out from Brazil now - just a lot of work that has to get done before I can be out of the office for that long.

One of my favorite moments of the week was having dinner with my new Brazil team out at Stef's new house because I don't think I have laughed that hard or that long in a really long time. Needless to say I think the time we have together on the boat will be one big laugh fest. I am really enjoying getting to know the girls and am excited about our time together in the Amazon.

Homesick

So I realized today that I am homesick, except for the only problem is that I am home so I don't know how I can be homesick but that is exactly what I am. It took me a few days to realize what funk I was in, but I finally figured it out today. I haven't been homesick since 2005 when I lived in Asia right after college and where I knew no one and they all spoken a different language from me, so that was a good cause for homesickness. Somehow in the past two weeks I have managed to become homesick - I think it has to do with the fact that I actually don't have a home right now while I am living at home with my dad and stepmom it isn't my home and I know that sounds super silly but I just want my stuff and I want to be able to live my life. Even though I am trying really hard, and I think I am doing a good job of it, to continue to live my life that I had before I had to move North of 635 it is just hard because I feel like so many people have forgotten about me. Once again I know this also sounds really silly because I still see my friends just not on the same regular basis because I am so far away so I don't get the little lets hang out phone calls anymore. I feel as if the past two weeks I have lived my life but in reality I have just watched someone else live my life for me. I think the final factor that caused me to be homesick was being home in Wichita Falls with my family for Easter, and just getting to live my life and not being so removed from everything like I have been here in Dallas lately. I hate it that I am homesick because I don't know what to do about it or how to make it go away since I am home. I guess in the mean time I am still going to continue to live my life as I always have and hopefully I will just snap out of it. Especially since I have no clue when I will have a place to call my home again, which just almost brings me to tears.

I am up for any and all suggestions on how to make this homesickness go away - even if it seems silly I will try it because let's be honest the fact that I am homesick and yet I am home is a little silly to begin with.

Week Three

So after last week I don't think anything could really compete especially since I was originally only suppose to spend four of the seven days with my dad and Marsha. Sadly I was disappointed on Monday night when my dad informed me that she wasn't going out of town with him anymore on Thursday morning - to which my response to him was that he now wasn't allowed to leave town until Friday morning because Marsha and I aren't allowed to be home alone together. My dad agreed with me and decided not to leave town until Friday morning - sad I know. But overall this week wasn't that bad granted there were a few moments where I just wanted to throw something at her or tell her to hush but I refrained from all of the above.

I think the fact that I kept myself busy all week with work stuff and just visiting different friends helped a lot, and the thought of knowing that Friday afternoon I got to go home to Wichita Falls to see my family really helped me keep my cool this week. Many people gave me a really hard time this week about being excited to go to Wichita Falls, but it is home to me granted it is not where I live anymore. But it is still home because it is where my family (mom's side anyways) lives, so for me going to Wichita Falls means going home and getting to see family. Whitney and Cliffy were both coming home from school for Easter, so it was a nice to be able to see them especially since it had been since mid Feb when I saw Whitney and Christmas since I saw Cliffy. Not to mention it is always nice to be around sane parts of my family and not the crazy one that I am currently having to live with. The toughest part of the week was that both of my living options fell threw, so who knows exactly how long I will have to stay at 1300 Eastwick,and so that was really discouraging especially since I no longer see a light at the end of the tunnel, and I really need to see a light at the end of all of this. I am beginning to wonder what is wrong with me and why no one wants to live with me. I know that God has a plan all worked out, but it is tough to believe that right now. Hopefully, something will come along soon or else I really am going to go crazy.

I am really thankful that week three was more like week one than week two, and fingers crossed week four will be more like week one and three since Marsha and dad are both suppose to be out of town from Tuesday morning - Sunday night of next weekend. She better go out of town with him or else it will be one really long week because this is a trip I can't tell dad that he can't take.

One Month.....

One month from today I will be on a plane back to Brazil! I am so excited I can hardly wait to return – I have wanted to return to Brazil since my plane landed back in the US last April. This is my third trip to Brazil, and even though I have some idea of what to expect – God always surprises me and I can’t wait to see what He has in store for me this time. For the most part like the previous two trips it is basically an entirely new team of people that I am blessed to be traveling with down the Amazon. We are in our final weeks of training, support raising and gathering donation items (if you want to help with donation items send me an email). My prayer for the next month not only for myself but also for the entire team is team unity, safe travel, that we will daily be able to find time to be in the Word, we will be open to what God has to show us and how He wants to use us, the people we will be serving alongside in Brazil (our translators), the people we will be serving in the villages and that their hearts will be open, and that we will all be protected from Satan’s attacks. Please keep me and the rest of the team in your prayers as we are just a month out now from boarding planes headed for Brazil.

A Nice Surprise

So yesterday was one of those rare days where I actually completely loved my job. Don’t get me wrong I do like my job on most days, it is just for the past year I have been in a position that I am not passionate about at all, so that has made it really hard for me at times. But the position was a promotion and a step up the corporate career ladder, so I had to take it.

Yesterday I was surprised to learn that I was getting to go on a competitive shopping trip with all the other assistant buyers in my entity, so that meant that I wouldn’t be at my desk all day starring at a computer and fighting a system that only works half the time. I was extremely excited for time away from my computer and desk because my boss has been gone all week for LA Market Week which meant we have all been allowed to actually be at our desk and get work done, but at the same time that also means I’ve spent a lot of time with fighting the system that I have a hate hate relationship with which is always a beating for me. So after only a couple of hours at the office, we all headed down to NorthPark and several other boutiques down that way to check out trends. It was a beautiful day, which just made the competitive shopping trip even more enjoyable and I really like all the other assistant buyers in my entity so it was good company too. We managed to finish up shopping by about 3:15, so that mean that we also got off work early too. On the way back up North to Plano the car I was riding in decided to stop for ice cream, which also made me even happier. I can say that I as I sat on the bench outside with my co-workers eating our ice cream enjoying the beautiful weather that I realized that this had been the perfect day and we actually did get a lot of work done too. It was just the pick me up that I know we all needed before our buyers all returned from LA and it was back to the hard work where we are lucky if we see the sun at all.

Week Two - sigh

So I am fully aware that I am still one day away from actually make it an entire second week but this week has been so crazy that I can’t wait another day to post. Plus may-be if I vent via the blog then I will still be able to remain somewhat civil to her (the stepmother). So after last week may-be I will admit I just had to high of hopes and unrealistic expectations for this week. By Sunday night when I went to bed I was completely unpacked and organized with the exception of my desk b/c Marsha (stepmother) has some of her stuff that she had to clean off of my desk before I could unpack my own stuff. So I thought I was good to go and that she would get her stuff off of my desk in the next day or two and then I would completely finish my room. I guess may-be I was a little to hopeful that since my room was basically done and last week went okay that this week would be the same.

So Monday I thought it was safe to go home after work since it was okay last week, but I was so wrong. From the moment I got home I could tell things were off when the house everything in the house was still everywhere from the carpet cleaners being there earlier in the day. But I still thought I would stay and be helpful – bad idea. So my dad and I made dinner which turned into a mess not b/c we burned or messed up dinner, but b/c we cooked in the kitchen. Yet she had no problem eating it but she complained about the kitchen the whole time. Honestly, the kitchen wasn’t a mess it was just slightly dirty from the normal mess that comes from making a meal, not hard to clean up and we actually cleaned it up after we ate dinner but still not good enough. So that was strike one against me, it only took about 30 more minutes before I had strike two, which came when I tried to be nice and help put the furniture and decorations back in order around the house. Strike two was that I put a decoration back in the wrong spot but it still looked good where I put. Strike three came immediately after strike two in that I gave up trying to help and dad and I went to the study to watch 24. To which she just proceed to snap at and make rude comments to us the rest of the evening.

After Monday night’s events I decided that it would be best if I just fill up the rest of my evenings for the week with events and what not so that I just stayed literally out of sight out of mind – I will go ahead and tell you it didn’t really work. Tuesday night was a long workout at the gym and the Porch and I think I hung out at the Porch afterwards longer than I have in like two years. When I got home I was welcomed with complaints from the stepmother about when I was going to finish my desk and get my act together and how I shouldn’t be going out and staying out so late since my stuff wasn’t done. Seriously I am 26 I don’t need to be told how late to stay out or not stay out and when I left the house this morning her junk was still on my desk so it couldn’t have been done. Needless to say I got my desk organized Tuesday night before I went to bed, thinking that would please her and get her off my back about one thing or another.

Wednesday I was once again up at 5am and out the door before 6:30am. I used to complain about Wednesday being such long day’s b/c I go from 6:30am until usually after 10pm that night but now I am so thankful they are long days. I can’t remember what she called me at work to snap at me for on Wednesday but I got snapped a call snapping at me for something I did or didn’t do. I was even nice and took them lunch on Wednesday since the maids were at the house and they had to basically stay out of the house so the maids could clean since the realtor was coming to take pictures on Wednesday afternoon. See I can honestly say I am trying to play nice and make nice when it comes to her, and I don’t mean by bribing her with food but I have genuinely tried to be nice and play nice. I am so thankful that some of my Brazil team planned to have dinner together on Wednesday night because it was so nice to see fun people but also just to get to relax and laugh b/c I don’t feel like I have done a ton of that this week.

Thursday was actually the best day of the week b/c I had to be at work super early and ended up working late and then I took myself to the mall to look around to revisit one of my favorite and most comforting past times – shopping. You will all be proud to know I completely behaved myself and only walked out with one thing and that was an actual need item not a “need to have item”.

Now today, Friday, takes the cake as to why I have blog and vent. So today started out as an okay day – boot camp at 5:30am was a beating but the good kind that I needed. And my dad was actually awake when I left the house b/c he thought I needed $10 and he was afraid that I wouldn’t see it if he set it out for me, which is so super sweet that he got up. I actually didn’t need the money he was just confused from Wednesday morning when I didn’t have cash but needed cash to give to a co-worker for a wedding shower present. Either way still way sweet and I felt really bad that he got up so super early. So I was actually determined today was going to be a good day b/c I didn’t have to work until 5 b/c I am leaving early to got to a school play at HP Middle School for my 7th grade girls and I made it to work early so I was optimistic and had a good attitude. Around 10am my dad called me for the second time of the morning – the first time he was at the grocery story and trying to find my cereal that I am currently stuck on and was having trouble so he needed to double check with me again – once again so sweet. But the second call of the day was all sweet on his part but started the push me over the edge not with him but with her. The realtor had called and wanted to show the house at 3pm today and my dad was calling to give me the heads up and then to warn me that she was going to call and yell at me. Sure enough not even 5 minutes after I hung up the phone with my dad she was calling me. She proceed to snap at me about how my room wasn’t in order (for those of you who know me my room is almost always in order and has been especially so since I have moved in with them in case the house needed to be shown) by my room not being in order she meant that I had clean folded clothes in the basket in my closet, some papers stacked on my desk in my room, and my shower stuff in the shower (where shower stuff belongs). Seriously, people she has completely lost it – yes the house is being shown today but I can speak for whoever is seeing the house that yes the want to see a clean house but they don’t mind seeing evidence in the shower or on a desk or other places around the house that someone lives there. But honestly it was one thing to take down all the personal belongings and personal pictures in the house but she has now taken it to an entire new level. My dad thinks she is seriously crazy, my mom the realtor says she has really lost it and should be banned from ever watching TLC and HGTV again b/c she has taken it to the opposite extreme. Not to mention she wont even let Maverick have a toy in the house, which is just wrong and cruel for him – poor puppy. If this is how is going to be every time there is a house showing then I pray whoever is looking at the house tonight buys it. B/c I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

Okay sorry for ranting and raving this week has been a tough week living with the rents – well stepmother not both of them. So prayers are greatly needed and appreciated and I love booking my calendar full with hangouts and dinners so if you have any free time let me know. Next week will be better – it has to be! And they leave to go out of town on Thursday, so if I can just make it 6 more days then I should get a break for a few days. Not to mention I get to go to WF on Friday for Easter and see that side of my family and Whitney will be home from school too.